Exploration of "I"

The theme of this poem is based on the discovery of identity within myself .  The poem illustrates my struggle to feel seen and heard outside of the perception of others.  It also touches on how those perceptions can feel like a trap or bind,  while the absence of these perceptions can feel lifeless.  In yoga philosophy we know that "I" expands beyond a body, personality or even our individual Spirit, yet in everyday living we have a strong identification with roles, characteristics and labels. 

I can't say that I always find myself believing in the ending of this poem. It's still a path of discovery for me.  Perhaps you will see something of yourself in this writing as well.

I

If you do not see me do I still exist?
Or am I like a tree falling soundlessly to the floor of an empty forest

If you do not hear my voice can I still speak?

Or does my voice die out before the sound passes my lips

If you do not touch me can I still feel?
Or does sensation cease,  leaving my skin numb and unresponsive

Where did I begin?
As a cell in the womb, unseen and unheard
Or when I emerged squirming and crying as a tiny baby drawing in my first breath

Where do I end?
At my toes or fingertips, crown of my head
Or at the place where you last acknowledged my presence

Who am I?
Cells, bones, and tissue that come together to form the body
Spirit and Divine Essense contained In a shell
Thoughts and memories, experiences and feelings
Or am I who you perceive me to be, created by your definition and expectations

If I am defined only by myself where does this lead?
Am I released into sweet freedom unbound by labels
Or placed in an empty void of invisibility

Who is this "I"

I am

The one I see even when others cannot
The one that hears my voice and speaks my truth
The one who feels moist skin, soft hair, the warm embrace of holding myself
The one who was created as Spirit and embodies Divinity
The one who will never end

I am allowed, only me, the sweet luscious truth of knowing "I"

January 2012

The Practice of Loving Kindness

When I was a kid my mom used to say, "I get out of bed with my feet running".  Being very literal,  I wondered how could this be true?  I pictured my mom running on a hamster wheel careening through the house still in her nightgown.  In adulthood, I learning to understand what she meant.  Life is busy all the time, and many of us are running even before our body moves from the bed.  Keeping up with the demands of life often leads us to distraction, disconnected from ourselves and others.

When I began to practice yoga and meditation my mind was still on "run" as I moved through postures.  With practice I learned to hold my thoughts to a "jog" and finally I learned to  "walk".    I'm still working on asking the mind to "sit", but there are moments when a small space opens between thoughts.  Ahhh, this is when yoga is happening.   Even in yoga posture practice that is physical and faster paced, yoga has much more to do with quiet mind than with where to put your hands and feet.  It is inside quiet mind that we experience deeper awareness of and connect to Source.

One way to slow down and feel more grounded  is to use simple forms of meditation so that the mind can "sit".  I was introduced to Loving Kindness or Metta Meditation a number of years ago.   The Metta Meditaiton is a powerful experience of sending peace, safety and kindness to all beings, those you love and those with which you have conflict. This practice is that of connecting to all beings and recognizing that on the inside we are all the same, connected by God.  My experience with practicing Metta is that it has an intense effect on how I view others.  Once you offer Metta you may begin to view others with more kindness, so in fact, the practice brings more kindness to the world.  This is an example of Metta Meditation

May you be happy.

May you be safe.

May you be healthy and strong.

May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

May you be at ease.

Om  Peace, Peace, Peace

Metta is simple to practice and can be practiced formally in a structured manner like I am describing or in an informal manner.   When leading Metta Meditation, I typically instruct students to bring to mind the person to whom they are offering Metta.   Find a quiet space and sit comfortably.  Close your eyes and bring to mind a teacher or influencial person in your life.  Offer Loving Kindness to this person using words similar to those above.  Sit for a few moments and feel the effect of the practice.  You will move through the meditation 6 times beginning with a teacher, and then offering Metta to yourself, a loved one, a neutral person (someone you do not know personally such as a store clerk or mailman), an enemy or adversary, and finally all beings.  Each time you offer Metta sit for a few moments to experience the effect of Loving Kindness.

I begin teaching Loving Kindness to my students at age 3 with simply words (may you be happy, safe, at peace).  We offer this to a loved one, ourselves and the whole world.  Every time I do this one of the children will say "but not the robbers and the bad guys".   Yet when we finish, you can see that their perspective has shifted.  After practicing Loving Kindness a young girl of 5 years looked at me and said, "If everyone did this there wouldn't be any robbers."  Indeed!

There is some interesting research being done on the power of Loving Kindness.  Check out the Kripalu Blog http://kripalu.org/blog/thrive/2013/08/17/small-amounts-of-loving-kindess-meditation-lead-to-big-change/ to learn about the many powerful effects that the Practice of Loving Kindness has on all of us.